I do not feel human. I exist outside of the rest of the populace due to my size. I know full well that I did this to myself. There have been millions of choices that I have made that has led me to this point. Changing my decision making process at this point has become impossible without help. I need a drastic change. This surgery is that drastic change.There are a few things that I need from my friends and family as of right now:

First is prayer. Please pray that God is there with me on the operating table.

Second is support and encouragement. If the surgery goes well (and with your prayers, it will) my lifestyle is going to change dramatically. I need the support from my friends and family to push me to continue down the right path. I will need the encouragement and reminders as to why I have chosen this change in my life.

Lastly, I need understanding. As I begin to change outwardly a lot of you guys might assume that I am changing inwardly as well. I will always be me (whether you like it or not). Just because I might begin to look different doesn’t mean how I feel about any of you will change. You know how much I care about all of you. This will always remain a constant – unless you do something to make me hate you.

I was debating whether or not I was even going to post this. This is a very personal thing. I am ashamed of myself and the fact that it has to come to this. It is not very often that I openly talk about these kinds of emotions. I usually keep my true personal feelings to myself. This is different. I need the support. I need the accountability. I need the transparency. I need as much prayer as I can get.

Please think of me this Thursday. If something happens… just know that I will be seeing most of you again. I was privileged to be able to lead a lot of you in worship before, maybe there is still a spot open for a keyboardist and vocals in heaven.

I am a thief, I am a murderer
Walking up this lonely hill
What have I done? I don’t remember
No one knows just how I feel
And I know that my time is coming soon

It’s been so long. Oh, such a long time
Since I’ve lived with peace and rest
Now I am here, my destination
I guess things work for the best
And I know that my time is coming soon

Who is this man? This man beside me
That they call the King of the Jews
They don’t believe that He’s the Messiah
But, somehow I know it’s true

They laugh at Him in mockery,
And beat Him till he bleeds
They nail Him to the rugged cross,
They raised Him, they raise Him up next to me

My time has come, I’m slowly fading
I deserve what I receive
“Jesus when You are in Your kingdom,
Could You please remember me?”

And He looks at me still holding on
The tears fall from His eyes
He says “I tell the truth,
Today, you will be with Me in paradise”

And I know that my time is coming soon
And I know paradise is coming soon

-Third Day

Christ gave up His life, was nailed to a cross, and was tortured to death to pay for our sins. Three days later he arose to give us hope. We can all ask Jesus to remember us, though, He has never forgotten. He knew us before we were even created. He knows us better than we know ourselves, and He wants us all to live with Him in paradise.

He has arisen too heaven! Let’s meet Him there.