Vows are spoken to be broken.
Feelings are intense. Words are trivial.
Pleasures remain. So does the pain.
The move to the new house is near completion. Most of my life’s belongings are unpacked and placed at their arbitrarily decided new location, where they will remain until I decide to move again and pack them away for an indefinite amount of time. I am really comfortable in my new room. It feels like home to me, more so than I have felt since I moved away from Rialto 7 years ago.
The one thing that disturbs me most about my new residence is the fact that it is so quiet. In the apartment I recently abandoned, I had neighbors above me whose favorite hobby was to keep my roommates and myself as awake and annoyed as possible. They honed this skill to perfection. The neighbors across from us had a cockatiel that would chirp incessantly. I was definitely looking forward to moving and enjoying a new found silence.
Silence can sometimes be intensely emotional and turbulent. In a conversation between two people, a lot can be said by saying nothing at all. This kind of silence I can enjoy. The look in someones eyes, or the body language of an individual speaks louder than any word in any language. Words are akin to the slight of hand and misdirection a magician uses to distract you from reality. Words are meaningless and forgettable. What would we say if we could only speak truths about how we really feel?
In our busy, everyday activities we become so used to the background noise of life. We tune most of it out. We hardly pay attention to it. But we need it. When left with only inner dialogue I am frightened by the realities of my life. Words are seductively deceptive; thought is abstract, honest and scary. It wasn’t always this way for me. I used to be extremely satisfied while trapped in my own head, alone. Something changed, and I need to figure out what.
I hate moving. Since my initial move out of Southern California I have moved 10 additional times. That is WAY too many times, especially considering I only moved out 5 years ago. That is an average of 2 moves per year. Ridiculous.
I just finished my 10th move a couple weeks ago. Pretty much got everything packed, loaded, moved, unloaded and unpacked in 2 days. It is sad how efficient I have become at moving. For someone who hates moving, I have ironically become a master of it. Comcast came out and installed the cable modem and DVRs a couple days ago. It is nice to have internet back. I was starting to have withdrawals. It is hard to realize what an impact the internet has on our lives until it is taken away from us.
I was supposed to come out to California last month to go to Laura’s wedding and hang out with friends. I was really looking forward to it, however moving took precedence. I hope the wedding was lovely.
Hopefully I will be able to come out and visit soon. I miss a lot of people.
There’s traffic in the sky
And it doesn’t seem to be getting much better
There’s kids playing games on the pavement
Drawing waves on the pavement
Shadows of the planes on the pavement
It’s enough to make me cry
But that don’t seem like it would make it feel better
Maybe it’s a dream and if I scream
It will burst at the seams and
This whole place will fall into pieces
I moved away from home in California 5 years ago to start a new life and clean up my act. I thought it was a good idea. It took 3 years and 4 moves later to finally clean up, and even still I am not the best person. I still have my immaturities and rough spots.
I have become real good at one thing over the last 5 years though. Moving. Disappearing. Changing. Not only have I become good at it, but I even enjoy it. I like the look of my car when it’s packed full of my life’s belongings. I like the feel of the open road, knowing that when I reach my destination I have a new life waiting for me. Wait. A new life? That’s not right. Have I become so diluted as to think that changing my surroundings will fix me? Shouldn’t I have figured out by now that moving does not solve anything? But, then again, getting out of California was good for me, right?
Continue reading ‘Traffic in the Sky’