I think I’ll start a new life
I think I’ll start it over where no one knows my name
I’ll get out of California, I’m tired of the weather
I think I’ll get a lover and fly em out to Spain
I think I’ll go to Boston
I think that I’m just tired
I think I need a new town to leave this all behind
I think I need a sunrise, I’m tired of the sunset
Life has a funny way of always turning out differently than expected. I thought my life was nearing it’s end. I was all but buried. My health was failing. My heart was broken. I had given up. I did not care. I was ready for release. God had different plans for me.
I have lost 217 pounds since my surgery on May 1st 2008. I could tell you the many opportunities, dear reader, that have become available to me now that I have lost the weight. I could tell you how life is no longer the dismal, and depressing. I COULD tell you these things, but it wouldn’t be completely honest.
I cannot trust people. I have allowed too many people to walk over me in the last 10 years. Pre-Surgery Richie didn’t care, because well, why would he. He had no life of his own. He wouldn’t hesitate to give his last dime to his friend to help them out, even if it meant he would have to suffer a week till payday. He would be emotionally available to the women he had fallen for, only to listen to them talk about the boy they are dating and how terrible they are.
Post-Surgery Richie, sadly, still is a pushover. I have recently been told by a few people how predictable I am. Good ‘ole predictable Richie. After tonight, no more. I cannot be that guy anymore. I really need to re-discover what I want my life to consist of. I have been so busy making sure the people around me are doing ok that I have completely forgotten how important it is to know how I am doing, and what I want in life.
I do not trust anyone anymore. Everyone is suspect. I am closed off. This is me retreating. Sorry, but this is the way it has to be.