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Pardon Me

Have you ever come to the realization that if anyone knew exactly what was going on in your head they would understand how neurotic you really are? Every day that goes by I realize more and more how crazy I am. I am not normal. There is something wrong with me.

Now the fact that I am aware of this is at least the first step on the path to recovery.

Here are some things that I do that are kind of weird:

Whenever I am smoking a cigarette while I’m driving down the freeway, it is my goal to make it last at least 7 exits. If I am done with it before 7 exits I get really disappointed. How did I come up with 7? I have no idea.

Whenever I am in the car by myself I make up my own words to songs on the radio. Sometimes I even laugh out loud at myself when I hear what a dork I am. Why do I laugh out loud? Because it’s funny!

I sometimes dream about what it would be like to have been born 300 years in the future. I envision a world without war, violence, hunger, greed and I want to be part of it. I admit this mainly stems from my love for all of the “Star Trek” Series. I think this planet is capable of peace, and I wish I could be around to see it happen.

I reorganize my wallet at least once a week. I also clean out my computer desk drawer and reorganize it. I think I suffer from a minor case of obsessive compulsive disorder. If ever there are 2 objects on my desk pointing in dissimilar directions, it will bug the snot out of me. Because I am lazy, however, I usually don’t get up to fix it, which is why I go through life with constant discomfort and disappointment.

I have come so close to buying the “Magic Bullet” blender from the late night television advertisements. The nacho cheese they make looks so good.

I find myself more attracted to women who are already in relationships. This has been true for years. I am pretty sure this makes me a bad person.

This is just a small taste of how crazy I am. Maybe in future entries I will let you in on more secrets.

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