Midnight Rider

I hate cars. I am tired of paying every month for a car that is aging its way towards obsoleteness. And then I have to pay for insurance. Someone please tell me what this is about; I am forced to pay some bloated company my hard earned money every month just in case something happens to my car. And then when something does happen, I not only get to pay a deductible, but then also higher insurance rates. To top it all off if something happens to my car that I can’t file as an insurance claim, I have the privilege of paying some mechanic an ungodly amount of money to tell me what is wrong, and then an unholy amount to fix it.

I hate mechanics. I think the bit Dane Cook talks about auto mechanics sums it up perfectly.

“It’s that same vibe that you get with any auto mechanic you’ve ever dealt with. Even though you’re listening and nodding, in your head you’re like “this guy is f*ckin’ me big time”. You just believe whatever they say:

Mechanic: “Yeah we had to replace the roof on your car, it was starting to peel back.  It resented the rest of the car, so we replaced that. Also, there was a tiny unicorn in your exhaust and he was jumping and poking holes in your exhaust, and he was sh*tting in your filters as well. So we had to get that out of there.”

Dane: “Wow, thank you very much. I did not know that there was a tiny mythological animal jumping around in there… that’s very dangerous. Sh*tting in filters, no way. Especially with a road trip coming up, that’s very dangerous. That little son of a b. How much is that? Seven thousand? I was going to suggest, I’d like to pay seven thousand’ish, I’d love to pay for that. Thank you for not f*ckin’ me big time!”

-Dane Cook

I pick my car up from the mechanic tomorrow. I admit that it was my fault. I should have been paying more attention to the road. I am glad my car handled as well as it did. If it didn’t I would have not only skid all over the road, but have hit a couple of cars a long the way. I am lucky (actually I thank God he spared me from an accident) that no damage came to my car other than the damage of skidding 100 feet, and that I am still alive. A couple bald spots on my tire, a little out of alignment, but all in all, no worse for the ware. $235 later and my car is back in business.

So I got lucky this time. Keep an eye out on those tiny unicorns, they’ll get ya every time.

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