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mushy

When You Sleep

Work is well. I’m starting to treat my body better. I stopped eating fast food over a month ago and its now been over 4 months since I quit smoking. I find myself parking further away from the entrance at work to force myself to walk more. This may even lead to me getting a gym membership and actually exercising. *Richie to hell: Is it getting cold down there?*

So if I am doing better, and feeling better, why am i so sleepless? The answer to that is lame, and I wasn’t 100% sure I wanted to talk about it here. I have been so transparent in the past, I might as well open up again.

I have lost my connection to the world. I feel cut off. I feel very alone. I feel unloved and not cared about. I doubt many people give much thought to my well being and that is a huge source of discomfort for me. I am sure my family cares, as do some of my close friends. But for now “close friends” means the people I have known for a few years since I moved to Utah, and “family” means the people I pissed off many years ago in California before I came out here.

I think I would sleep better at night if I could know that there was someone who knew me, saw through to the heart of me, and still loved me.

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