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So Much to Say

I find sometimes it’s easy to be myself. Sometimes I find its better to be somebody else.

I say my hell is the closet, I’m stuck inside.
Can’t see the light.
And my heaven is a nice house in the sky; got central heating and I’m alright.
Can’t see the light.
Keep it locked up inside don’t talk about it.
Talk about the weather.
Can’t see the light.
Open up my head and let me out.
Here we have been standing for a long long time.
Treading trodden trails for a long long time.

-Dave Matthews Band

It has been recently brought to my attention that I have not updated my blog in over a month. I could give countless reasons as to why I have not had the time/energy/desire to do so, but instead I will spare you, dear reader, from such boring and dreaded details. There is so much to say, and I am not feeling as transparent today as I was feeling at the time of my last entry.

Speaking of my last entry, I spoke of how I have been taking better care of myself. Life, being the cruel ironic beast that it is, decided to reward my efforts by making me severely ill. I have visited the hospital 5 times in the last 2 weeks, and probably have a couple more trips to go. Again, I will not go into the details of this ordeal, just know that it has not been the greatest time of my life. Since I am a realist (please do not confuse this term with either “optimist” nor “pessimist”), I see the silver lining. Work has been so crazy busy in the last few months, that my recent physical trauma has allowed me to catch my breath. The downside too all of this (again, being the realist that I am) is the fact that I have had too much free time to contemplate things that would normally be repressed by distraction.

The last month hasn’t been all bad. There have been some truly amazing things that have happened in my life that have seemed to give me hope. My intended lack of transparency forces me not to expand on this topic.

Tomorrow, I will go back to work a new man. I’m feeling better. I am ready to kick the tires and light the fires. I think the fall/winter season, which for me usually leaves me feeling cynical and irreparable, has a chance of being salvaged.

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